Communication Gap
by Sage of Mudora
Summary: "Dad, does it ever bother you that Perry can't talk?" "No, no it doesn't."


"Dad, why do you wear that lab coat everywhere you go? You don't need it at an ice cream parlor."

"It makes me feel like me. Why do you dress like Wednesday Addams everyday?"

Vanessa pouted, then took another bite of her Triple Chocolate Sundae. Her father grinned. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon. There was a nice breeze, he had custody of his thirteen year-old baby girl, and Perry the Platypus had thwarted him earlier without causing any bodily harm. Could life get any better than this?

"Hey Dad?"

"Yes, little miss twenty-questions?" The young girl had been rather inquisitive all morning.

"Can I ask you a question about Perry?"

This surprised and pleased Heinz. He liked it when Vanessa took an interest in his job. "Sure, pumpkin. Shoot."

Vanessa took another bite before asking, "If Perry is your nemesis, then why did you ask him if he wanted to join us for ice cream?"

"Because we were planning to go out, and I thought he might like some." Heinz thought the answer was obvious.

"No, Dad, no. I thought being your nemesis made him your enemy or something."

"Oh, it isn't quite like that, Vanessa. 'Nemesis' and 'Enemy' aren't synonyms. Well, maybe they are, you knoow, in the _dictionary_, but real life is far more complicated than that."

"But he comes over all the time to wreck the stuff you build..."

"Yes. That is his job. Of course we fight each other when we're on the clock. But if I'm not being evil, or if he has already thwarted me, then I see no problem with us getting to know each other a little better."

"But Dad, hasn't he said 'No' every time you've asked him out somewhere?"

Unfortunately, that was true. In the four months Heinz had been fighting Perry the Platypus, the monotreme had not once accepted an invitation. At first the platypus had always responded to the request with a confused expression or an eye-roll before leaving. However, after the incident with the Head-Over-Heels-Inator and the heart-to-heart that had followed after, the monotreme had moved on to politely shaking his head 'No' before departing. Progress!

"Yes, yes he has. But he's new at this; he doesn't trust me yet."

"But why should he trust you if you're his nemesis?" Vanessa was relentless with her questions today.

"This is a complicated concept to explain, sweetheart. Perhaps one day you'll have your own nemesis. Then you will understand."

Vanessa rolled her eyes. Man, both his daughter _and_ his nemesis had perfected that little maneuver. Heinz wondered who was influencing the other.

"I don't think it'll ever happen." the girl remarked suddenly.

"What's that?"

"I don't think he'll ever say yes. I think he'll always just leave. Forever."

Heinz frowned. "We'll see..."

During the long silence that followed, Heinz chugged down the last of his doonkleberry milkshake. Vanessa was now only picking at her sundae. Heinz wondered if he would sound too stern if he ordered her to eat.

"Dad, does it ever bother you that Perry can't talk?"

"No, no it doesn't." Heinz didn't even have to think before responding.

"Well, why not?"

"Some of the best relationships I've ever had were with animals or objects that couldn't speak."

"Really?"

"Of course. I've told you about Hoarfrost. And then there was my best friend Balloney before he floated away. We had some fascinating conversations! And when I was alone in South America I was taken in by your Ocelot grandparents. They couldn't speak, but I still knew that they loved me and they still taught me a lot.

"Oh."

"The other ocelot cubs were some of my dearest friends. A lot can be communicated with body language and facial expressions, Vanessa."

"I see."

"That's why I like to watch movies muted without subtitles, and foreign soaps. I don't need all that pesky dialogue to know what the characters are feeling and thinking. The words I give them in my mind are always better than what is written in the script."

"So, you actually like that he doesn't talk? Like, that makes it even better?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

Heinz remembered back to the days when Vanessa was a baby. He had talked to her all the time. Charlene had always given him a hard time for speaking over her head, but the baby had always seemed to like it, and Heinz had never stopped. Some of his absolute favorite conversations had been with his baby girl, while he blabbered on and she smiled or frowned at him. Talking to baby Vanessa had always made him feel special and brought him closer to his daughter. Thirteen years later and Heinz still couldn't believe he had helped create someone so wonderful and perfect. It didn't matter how close he may get to Perry the Platypus; nothing could ever beat his chats with his beautiful baby girl.

He decided not to share this with Vanessa. She had been moody lately, and baby stories would probably make her angry.

"I don't want any more." Vanessa said morosely as she placed her half eaten sundae on the table.

"Alright, you can take it home and finish it after dinner."

When they stood, Heinz reached over and grabbed Vanessa's hand. She immediately pulled it away. It saddened Heinz to think that his little girl thought she was too big to hold his hand in public.

"So, what do you want to do now, Vanessa? We could go to the zoo, or to the movies, or wherever you want!"

"Let's just go home, Dad."

"Ok then. Oh, if you want you can help me with my new -Inator. The weather is supposed to be nice again tomorrow, so I was thinking we could come up with an 'Outside' scheme. Unless the weather man is wrong again- hey, there's an idea! Vanessa, would you like to help me create a Weather-Man-Revenge-Inator?"

The teen gave a non-committal grunt, so Heinz continued to weigh the merits of such an -Inator aloud as they walked back to the DEI Building. With any luck, he and his little girl would create a perfect plan for conquering the Tri-State Area by dinner.


End file.
